Day Forty Seven. Morning, all. As I wrote yesterday’s post, I started reflecting on “help.” In some respects, “help” is a dirty word in education. Sadly, many kids come to believe early on that if they need help, they are somehow lesser than their peers. Of course, this is not true, but truth it becomes. And, they learn to hide from help. They don’t want the stigma. So, their needs go unmet. And therein lies the tragedy, for that is where we meet and live, in that place where help meets need. I tried to capture and communicate this to my kids yesterday in my daily #MyRoomMessage.

When I am helping is when I most feel like I am teaching. Whether it’s offering assurance, clarifying directions, providing feedback, alternating instruction, modifying assignments, etc., when I am helping, I am teaching. But my helping, my teaching is diminished when my kids can’t, don’t, or won’t indicate or articulate their needs. And by the time they get to me in the tenth grade their habits of hiding are deeply rooted. And despite my offers to help, they hide. I am not alone.

So, what can we do? Well, I think small changes can draw them out of hiding. Here’s a tweet that I shared yesterday, which has gotten the attention of and gained some traction from educators on Twitter.

I have long offered “if.” But I think this only reinforced their hiding, for they would have to call attention to themselves by asking for help. I think if we make the subtle shift to “when,” we can help destigmatize “need” by focusing on the expectation of the task, suggesting that the challenge of the task will create a “helping-need” situation for us, so we can do our job. We have to communicate this openly to kids. Not only is it okay but also necessary for the learning process. Learning should necessitate need for the learner, which in turn, activates the help reflex from teachers. Need is necessary. If we are not helping need, what are we doing? Yes, planning, assigning, grading, managing are all parts of the whole, but if they are not paving the path to the need-help sweet spot, then the whole is not complete.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that we have to raise our expectations to unreasonable levels. We should never expect more than we can support. More, I am not suggesting that we create a classroom of dependent drones who suffer from learned helplessness. Kids have to learn independence, and struggle is as necessary as need–they may actually be the same thing by a different name.

I am suggesting that we need to break down the barriers that have too long separated us from that sweet spot between need and help by establishing through word and deed that it is okay to need. And when they need, we will help.

Happy Tuesday, all. Stay safe.

Do. Reflect. Do Better.