“Pass.”

More than a Smile. More than a Frown. The “Pass,” I believe is key to the success of Smiles and Frowns. Without it, it becomes about compliance and that is not the key to a community. Community requires commitment. And commitment comes from choice. And passing is the choice that makes the difference.

From the get go, I let kids know that they always have the right to pass. I only want them to share if they choose to share, and while I sincerely want all my kids to share all the time (for that’s how we all learn each other), I honor the Pass as much as the Smile and Frown.

Me: “Hi, John. What do you have for us today?”

John: “Pass.”

Me: “Okay, John. Thank you. I am glad you’re here.”

And I say it with the same earnest enthusiasm as when kids share a Smile or a Frown. I have to. So, are you encouraging them to pass? Yes. No. Maybe. Of course, as I said, I want them to share. I need them to share, but it’s not only about my needs. They have needs too, and I have come to learn that they need the freedom to pass, the freedom to choose. But they also need, I believe, to know that I want them to share, that I speak their names each day, that I seek to know to understand them. Their response in that light becomes secondary, making the primary purpose the “ask.”

So, I ask. Every day. Yes, some kids are perpetual passers, but I am also a perpetual “asker,” and as such, we do our daily dance, partners in commitment, come smile, come frown, come pass. All important steps to building community.

Happy Tuesday, all.

Do. Reflect. Do Better.